The Art of Saying Less. Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

 

Have you ever come across a person in your life who simply doesn’t know when to stop talking? In the sales business, these are the people who talk past the sale, and often put their own foot in their mouth and kill the deal. In the business world, these are the people who give away all the secrets, and are left with no leverage during negotiations. In dating, these are the people who talk themselves right out of a second date. In growth, these are the people who are so busy listening to themselves talk that they leave no room to learn something new.

After working with people and teams for decades, I’ve learned something interesting about most individuals. Many of us (yes, I included myself in there) love to talk about ourselves when in social environments. I’ve noticed that even introverts can be guilty of this once you get them going. They say too much. When I first started working with the public, I ran into a trap that many new customer service, outreach, professional services and sales professionals run into; I wouldn’t shut up!

I am one that strongly dislikes talking on the phone. I schedule most of my service consultations and almost all of my complimentary (FREE)30 minute consultations as video calls because I love the eye to eye interaction. I keep phone calls to a max of five minutes, but can do an hour long video conference with no problem.

I had to relearn how to speak with people. I’ve practiced the art of saying less for years. It’s made me a better communicator because I’ve genuinely learned to care about your needs more than I care about my own. I’ve learned to be a better listener.

I’ve been blessed to have been mentored by some great people in my life. They taught me how to communicate effectively with others. One of the most important lessons I learned was the art of saying less about myself and speaking less than others when building rapport. I learned that the person who keeps the others speaking about themselves often comes across as a lot more caring, compassionate, connected and likeable.

Do you know what people who talk too much and listen too little have a hard time doing? They have a hard time taking advice from others. In Proverbs 15:22 we read, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” If you want your professional, your private and your social life to be better, learn to listen to sound advice. You cannot do this if you spend all your time speaking. It’s hard to learn if you are too busy lecturing.

Listening more can also avoid many of this world’s current problems. Think about it. If we could get the right and the left, the conservative and the liberal, the Republican and the Democrat, the young and the old, the rich and the poor, this race and that race, parents and their children, teachers and students, Yankee fans and Red Socks fans (I’m not a fan of either… lol), if we could get all of these and other groups to listen more than they speak, and to stop shouting over each other, we would live in a better world. The Bible says in James 1:19, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”

Do you watch crime dramas? I am a Law & Order fan. Have you ever watched a movie where police officers, detectives and other law enforcement professionals interview a suspect? If you have, you’ve probably watched the say less tactic being used to bait someone else into speaking too much. True pros at interviewing suspects will ask leading, open-ended questions that get people talking, and often the suspect, even those that are innocent, say something that incriminates them. You know what movie criminals always seem to be smarter than the cops? Mobsters aka Mafia movie criminals. The ones that talk too much quickly learned how unforgiving both the law, and the criminal underworld are.

Have you ever sat in on a high pressure timeshare sales pitch? There are 10 steps to this sale. It’s the same 10 steps to follow in all negotiations. The difference is that in most negotiations, most interactions and most conversations, high pressure is not recommended, but in timeshare the high pressure pitch is expected and management demands it. I will be writing a blog about the 10 steps to the sale soon, and I will explain how not to come across as a sleazy used car salesman or a pushy timeshare salesperson. I’ve worked with professionals in both industries and taught them how to be successful without being unethical and dishonest.

Timeshare sales employs a high pressure sales tactic. The timeshare salesperson will spend some time in the warm up step getting the buyer to open up about family, home and occupation. The salesperson then enters the discovery portion of the pitch, where the sales pro will ask questions that get the potential buyer to open up even more about travel patterns, the unaccomplished dream vacations, the reasons why these dream vacations haven’t happened yet, and what going on these dream vacations would mean to the person’s loved ones. Once they’ve done this, they have all the ammo they need to make a sale.

I would go into detail about the used car salesman, but they are in a category all to themselves. Not all of them are dishonest, just like not all snakes are poisonous. That doesn’t mean you should let snakes bite you in order to find out which ones are deadly. Used car sales pros are very good at the say less selling style. They will only disclose information about the vehicle that they buyer asks for directly. They also know that the moment the buyer says “I’ll take it”, the salesperson needs to stop talking, take the buyer’s ID and walk them right into the finance pros office. The only other thing the salesperson will say is, “Would you like something to drink? Water, coffee, soda?” Successful used car salesmen never speak past the sale.

Most businesspeople, especially entrepreneurs, like to talk. This can be a real asset when networking or building rapport with clients and industry partners. There is a very delicate balance though. One should never speak so much that the conversation isn’t moved forward. Great communicators focus on making every interaction a two way conversation rather than a one way lecture from one person to another. Don’t turn the person off. Don’t dull their interest in you. Don’t make the other party look for an exit door from the conversation. It is very difficult to demonstrate the value of your product or service if you bore the other person with too much detail.

Let’s look at it this way; God gave you two ears, two eyes and one mouth. That means that your interactions with others should be more about listening to them and watching for body language than speaking their ears off. Say less. Observe more. Listen more. Interact, don’t attack. Let them get their point across. Let people hear themselves talk and only speak when it adds value to the conversation.

Is there a way for you to stop yourself from “talking past the sale?” Yes! What information do you want to communicate? Prepare mental key points and know which of those points are more important than the others. Leave needless details out of the conversation. Know what your end game is in the conversation. If you want them to come back, lead the conversation into an agreement to follow up. If your goal is to make a sale, demonstrate your service or product’s value and then ask for the sale. Never introduce anything into a conversation that will sidetrack you from your goal.

As a speaker, my goal is always to get crowd participation, see interest in the audience’s eyes, engage the individual and the room at the same time, make a real connection with the people who have come to listen, and bring as much value to the table as possible. I’ve spoken at events where I was given 5 minutes to speak. I’ve spoken at events where I was given 45 minutes to speak. I’ve also spoken at events where I was teaching 4 day seminars at convention centers. In all cases, I stayed within the time frame given. If I cannot present the key points and deliver value within that timeframe, I do not agree to speak. I am a firm believer in saying less, and giving more.

Are you struggling to accomplish your goals because you find yourself talking too much in professional settings? Do you find it difficult to get people to speak when interacting with you? Or, are you losing control of conversations and situations because you find it difficult to communicate effectively? You are not alone. Many of my consulting clients have come to me with the same issue.

I know some of you may still be thinking you got this one under control. I say there’s always room for improvement. This is why although I’m the Senior Consultant at GC Rosario Group, I still take training and development in my own professional and private life very seriously. This is why I still have mentors in my life. See, in Proverbs 12:15 we read, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise.” So don’t take my word for it. It’s in The Bible.

I would love to help you get past this roadblock in your professional & personal development. Let’s schedule a FREE 30 minute consultation to see if here is anything I can do to help. This is not a used car salesman or timeshare sales pro pitch. It’s a no obligation, complimentary consultation to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. Let’s talk about it.

George L. Rosario is a Brooklyn NY born & raised businessman & entrepreneur turned consultant. He started GC Rosario Group with his lovely wife Claudia. With over 30 years of service to the marketplace in NYC, George has relocated and been graciously adopted by the business community of South Florida. He now travels the country helping businesses and organizations thrive in today’s noisy environment. The post-Covid era forced many to close their doors, but also opened new doors of opportunity, growth and prosperity for innovative thinkers. George & Claudia Rosario help companies, businesses, organizations and teams develop the necessary skillset and plan of action to not just survive, but thrive in this new world. GC Rosario Group helps both secular and Christian based institutions meet their goals.